Typical Day in the Life of “President” George W. Bush


8:00 A.M.–The President of the United States (POTUS) rises, checks to see if he is still in White House.
8:30 A.M.–Breakfast in bed. Rumsfeld reads him horoscope and comic strips.
9:00 A.M.–“Co-President” Cheney stops by to help George get dressed, goes over situation in Yemen, reminds George to brush his teeth.
9:30 A.M.–POTUS arrives at Oval Office, greets secretary.
9-35 A.M.–POTUS leaves Oval, Office to go work out in White House gym.
11:00 A.M.–Massage and pedicure. Noon-Lunch with Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig. Selig confirms still no jobs open in front office.
1:00 PM.–Nap.
2:30 PM.–Photo op with Little League “team of the day.”
3:00 PM.–POTUS back in Oval Office to discuss legislation with members of Congress.
3:05 PM.–Meeting adjourns; Congressmen tell press, “Meeting was very fruitful. The president told us to get some laws passed,’ and then he had us shag balls on the South Lawn.”
3: 10 PM.–Cheney briefs POTUS on energy policy, tells Junior Bush to “send thank-you notes” to heads of oil companies.
3:12 PM.–POTUS asks to see map of the world; seems surprised by “how big the world has gotten.”
3:40 PM.–POTUS has memorized all 191 capitals in less than half an hour.
3:44 PM.–Bush calls prime minister of Romania “just because I can”; challenges Romanian prime minister to name capital of Burma; prime minister cannot understand a word he is saying, as POTUS is speaking in Spanish.
3:58 PM.–POTUS accepts collect call from Austin jail. POTUS offspring being held for desecrating portrait of POTUS as governor that hangs in state capitol – building. POTUS pretends he has a bad connection, impersonates voice of a Mexican woman who has “cut in” on the call, then hangs up. Is heard to say, “She’s a chip off the ol’ block.”
4:00 P.M.–Work day ends; POTUS retires to living quarters for brief “catnap.”
6-00 PM.–State dinner with African heads of state. Tells Cheney he “can’t think about Africa right now-it’s the ‘Dark Continent,’ you know!” POTUS asks CoPresident to sit in for him.
6:05 PM.–POTUS goes for swim in White House pool.
7:00 PM.–Phone call to Laura at Texas ranch (“just checking in”).
7:02 PM.–POTUS goes to White House screening room; watches Dave (again); falls asleep.
8:30 P.M.–Cheney awakens POTUS, takes him to his room, tucks him in, says goodnight. Co-POTUS goes downstairs and resumes plotting destruction of Planet Earth.

Source: Stupid White Men, Michael Moore

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